Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Unreligiously Yours

Friend: Hi Natalia.

Me: Hi! Howz life?

Friend: Good. What’s up?

Me: Head, hair and ceiling.

Friend: Bad joke.

Me: That wasn’t a joke. I stated a fact.

Friend: (irritated) Let it be. Hey tell me, what are you?

Me: (I was confused. What can one possibly present as an answer to that question?)I am a specimen of the Homo sapiens.

Friend: Now why do you have to get biology involved in this?

Me: What do you mean?

Friend: I mean like what are you?

Me: Well in accordance with human obsession and fascination for borders, I carry an Indian passport so that makes me Indian.

Friend: No, I mean what religion are you?

Me: How can a person be a religion?

Friend: Alright! What religion do you follow?

Me: Ah that makes more sense. Hee hee! Haa Haa! My name confuses you doesn't it? Natalia Hule does not give you a clue as to about whether I ma a Christian or a Hindu. My looks baffle you more because you can't associate me with a particular region of India and the fact that I speak Marathi, Hindi and English equally well worsens your case further. Haa haa, stay confused. I won' t help you... Well I follow ‘Nataliaism’

Friend: What?

Me: It is a very recent religion. It started the day I was born. This religion has only one Goddess, she is called Natalia. The Goddess has only one devotee, her name is Natalia. The religion has only one prophet, her name is also Natalia. The principles of this religion are whatever Natalia finds right. This religion prohibits conversion. The Goddess Natalia explicitly states that there shall never be any reincarnation or resurrection whatsoever. The Goddess Natalia does not promise any Land, Water or Air. By the way this Goddess, her devotee and the Prophet is all me, and not some other Natalia. In this manner, I shall remain in peace with everyone and anyone around me and also prevent any possibility of war and riots after I am gone, hence ensuring peace even after my demise.

Friend: Hey this idea is great. (I was slightly taken aback to hear this) Everyone should create their own religions and not bother others. What do you think?

Me: I think I’ll complete the assignment for French class.


^RoOhAnI^ said...

Ha ha.. I'm going to bookmark this post! I like the way u respond with quick wit and a taste of humour, which I'm sure leaves most people speechless.

"Unreligiously Yours",
Roohani (who now follows Roohanism! ha ha)

geecee said...

I like you as you are, doesnt matter whether ur christian, hindu, marathi :)

ach_85 said...

that was the height of narcissism !!

Anyways that reminded me of my religion.:P
Once, too bored to listen to a class lecture and too fed up of the communal difference of people I had modeled a religion called 'coolism' and prepared its commandments. :D

But unfortunately now I don't even remember where I had noted everything, so it is hard to believe but the religion is lost. :P.

Bhushan said...

@AC: I remember..the commandments started on our way to the class..on the stairs :P

Natalia said...

Mr. Gupta never mind if you have forgotten the commandments, Bhushan will help you out. Bhushan please put them up on your blog. I want to know what Mr. Gupta aka ach_85 cooked up.

Bhushan said...

@Natalia: unfortunately I remember the initial few ones only as I was present(involved) only when it started..better wud be that AC comes up with new ones on his blog..I wud help with the ones I remember.

ach_85 said...

hmm... let me try to remember a few. Actually I wont post in on my blog coz thoughtspot does not post such arbit things.. it is more towards society humor, so wont break the genre.
So trying to remember the commandments of coolism were:
1) 'Thy' should worship nobody but yourself.
2) 'Thy' should try to be everything but cool
3) 'Thy' should never preach coolism (its not cool)
4) Thy should never remember the commandments. ( and hence I totally forgot them :) )
5)This final one came from bhushan and presently I have lost the will to try and remember it.

Bhushan said...

@AC: The new ones are better!!
The final one as far as I can remember: 'Thy' should fuck (destroy) thyself and enjoy it.

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An infectiously enthusiastic incorrigible optimist, insanely in love with and morbidly curious about life, death and everything in between.