To do or not to do. Decide well.

There are precisely three reasons I chose to write this blog.

1. A sex-crazed friend who now claims that he is ‘changed’.
2. The print promotion for Udaan in Mumbai Mirror.
3. The article ‘Sex get younger’ dated July 25, 2010 in Times Life!, Mumbai Edition.

The media references above give statistics and changing opinions regarding the attitude towards sex in India. My friend gave me a headache. More about that later. The ‘Udaan’ display ad claimed that 9 out of 10 boys and 7 out of 10 girls are ok with pre-marital sex. It did not state the number of youngsters surveyed, their age and socio-economic groups or the cities surveyed. The Times Life! article presented uninhibited outlooks of 20-somethings with regards sex and how more and more Indian teenagers are becoming sexually active at earlier ages. Being a 20-something myself, I wasn’t taken aback by any of it as I know what our generation thinks like and wants in life and yet I found certain things worrisome. Do I plan to moralize in this blog? No but there are certain fundamentals that do not change irrespective of your age, socio-economic class, era, skin colour, religion, caste, race, nationality and location. That is what I plan to rant about.

It is my childhood friend mentioned above who made me concerned about the state of affairs of the people of my age group and socio-economic class who are well-educated, well-travelled and who have excellent access to information from across the planet thanks to the internet. My friend and I, until recently, had argued on a regular basis about India’s ‘conservative, closed and regressive’ stance towards sex and sexuality. These arguments continued even after he shifted base to live with Uncle Sam for graduate education. Do not think that we do not talk about anything else but this buddy has a knack for bringing any conversation on to this track. Most of our arguments would commence with his complaints about Indian girls being very traditionalist about sex, our refusal to satisfy our ‘biological urges’ (whatever that means!) and our ‘hypocritical’ wait for marriage to lose our virginity. I resisted and fought the urge to use the much employed “Will-you-like-it-if-your-sister-practices-what-you-preach-?” rhetoric for the sake of propriety and our long-standing friendship. It is none of anybody’s business when or why someone (male or female) decides to lose their virginity to. It is an extremely personal decision that shouldn’t be taken just like that. Before our last and final argument, I had often tried to reason with him the dangers of casual sex and multiple partners as date rapes, MMS scandals (remember DPS scandal?), the spread of salacious rumours, damage to reputation and psychological scarring. He always rubbished these arguments and seemed convinced that such things only happen to others. I would get accused of not being open-minded. Clearly his definition of open-minded and my definition of open-minded were not the same. If his understanding of the word is correct, I would rather not be open-minded at all! Once, I had to make my stand very clear about a few things. The personal life of any adult is none of my business till the time that person is doing it behind closed doors (windows and roof) and that his/her partner(s) is (are) consenting human adults! Keep very quiet about things and I won't take. Juicy details don't get out without the partners making it public! The involvement of minors or animals in a sex act makes it a criminal offence and hence my business as people who try and have sex with animals often turn to abusing children when they grow bored of animals. At this point, I was accused of changing the topic and being too politically correct. I did not get that accusation but realization dawned upon me, albeit late, that a rational and objective debate with this character was useless.

The last time a similar argument took place (on an ISD call) he simply bowled this ‘maiden’ over. The argument this time was about India’s reluctance to accept casual flings and one-night stands. He asked me to look at how liberal and open the Western societies are. I firmly held my ground. I told him that we ought to look at and emulate the 10,000 excellent aspects of industrialized societies and avoid their problems. I do not think casual sex and one-night stands are immoral nor should it be illegal for adults to indulge in these things but I personally find them highly avoidable for multiple reasons. He asked me to explain my hypocrisy. This enraged me but I kept my cool. For the first time, I got down to extremely practical issues. I asked him to spell and explain the terms ‘Chlamydia’, ‘Syphilis’, ‘Herpes’ and ‘Gonorrhea’. Here are his responses.

‘K-L-A-M-I-D-I-A’ – Sounds like some worm.
‘S-I-P-H-I-L-I-S’ – Must be another worm.
‘H-E-R P-E-A-S’ – Don’t know.
‘G-O-N-O-R-I-A’ – This is definitely an earthworm.

I was simply stunned. For those of you who are and who are not stunned, read further carefully. I brought it to his notice that these are STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). He replied by saying that such things only happen in books! What is the next thing that we are going to think up for shouting out loud? The sex education seminar held in our school (St. John the Baptist High School) has been completely wasted on him. I had cut the call immediately as I had nothing left to say and neither did I want to hear further rubbish. We haven’t heard each others voices since.

Here was a high-scoring engineer, who had missed the merit list in class 12 by a very slim margin, who spoke like an idiotic and irresponsible person, being precisely the kind ‘Rancho’ from ‘3 Idiots’ criticised, well-trained but not well-educated. That telephonic conversation left me disturbed. I decided to ask a dozen more friends to spell and explain the terms ‘Chlamydia’, ‘Syphilis’, ‘Herpes’ and ‘Gonorrhea’. All of them hold at least a Bachelor’s degree and are well-travelled, nationally and internationally. I drew zilches everywhere. There was only one girl who correctly said that Herpes is something that gives you boils. To worsen the situation, one guy actually revealed the height of anatomical ignorance when I brought up the topic of STDs. He called the vagina an ovary. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. This moron had obviously learnt everything he knows about sex only from porn and porn doesn't teach you anything important. The gravity of the epidemic of ignorance of sex-related issues hit me real hard that day.

The media is constantly telling us about how adventurous we, the youth, are getting about sex. Well, tell us something we don’t know! Give us the basics for heaven sake. A lot of practical information can be given out regularly in the media about sexual health for although most people know that HIV/AIDS can be prevented by the use of condoms, most don’t know that condoms don’t provide 100% protection. (For their credit, Mumbai Mirror and Bombay Times ran one article each in the last 2 months.) Only abstinence does. In fact, there are nearly 30 odd STDs and condoms don’t work well for all of them. Herpes can even spread by just kissing on the mouth! In fact in the USA, the country my crazy friend adores for its supposedly liberal attitude towards sex, 1 out of every 4 teenage girls contracts a STD and Herpes affects 1 out of every six people. Apart from AIDS, other STDs probably don’t get talked about because a Parmeshwar Godrej and a Richard Gere do not make a song and dance about it. The truth is that they exist, became curable after the discovery of penicillin (except Herpes) and are now becoming incurable about a century later.

There are other things too that need to be kept in mind before getting adventurous. Some people consider anal sex harmless as it cannot lead to pregnancy. That’s right but it can lead to tearing of the rectum and penile fractures. Gentlemen, you can fracture your penis even if there isn’t a bone in it! And lastly, everyone, please get the names of the male genitals and the female genitals right. There are 3D body maps on the net to help you out! I highly advise all ignorant fools to check out how pregnancy takes us from being miniscule embryos to kids and how puberty takes from being kids to adults. This is the 21st century for heaven's sake! In fact, even in the USA, responsible citizens are hopping mad about ignorance and the fact that unsafe sex has stopped being scary for some people.

The problem of AIDS in India is very different from that of industrialized nations. In those countries, the problem arises because their citizens have more than 5 sex partners on an average in their lifetimes. In India, these diseases are greatly restricted to MSMs, migrant workers, truck drivers, CSWs, drug addicts and the spouses and children of these people. We can do our Health Ministry a favor and keep things this way. I have a strong hunch that the revolting sights of babies born with congenital syphilis and herpes and other emotional and social repercussions must have made societies across the world look down on people who have multiple sexual partners. Even Helen Keller had voiced concerns about syphilis being a leading cause of blindness in the 19th and early 20th centuries. Let us, the educated and economically sound youth (SEC A &B), take responsibility to keep ourselves away from high risk activities and not create new problems for our society. After all, we are the ones who walk around like Mr. / Ms. Know-It-All. Let’s make best use of our access to information and not be ignorant about what we are against. It’s best to make optimum use of the internet and base our decisions on modern, scientific knowledge (most of which comes from the Western world at any rate!) and behave properly. After all, the internet isn’t there just for social networking. It isn’t worth spoiling our lives over few minutes of satisfying our 'biological urges'!

Post Script:

1. As a Facebook rat myself, I got back to my friend by putting links from http://health.aol.com about Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Herpes and Chlamydia on his Wall. They stayed there throughout daytime Indian Standard Time while he slept at night, Central Daylight Time, USA & Canada. Imagine that 'open-minded' individual's horror AND panic stricken phone call that arrived subsequently. ;)

2. In case if you suspect that you or your partner has a STD, call 69999999 or 28888888 (JustDial.com) to locate your nearest gynaecologist (for a girl) /urologist (for a boy) and get the requisite tests done. Any delay will only worsen the situation.

Crooked rickshaw-drivers and lackadaisical RTO and why Raj Thackeray has a point.

While the whole nation chooses to rant against Raj Thackeray and the antics of his MNS, I’ll play the Devil’s advocate and argue his case against UP wallahs and Biharis. I do not object to these guys monopolizing the taxi and rickshaw driving jobs in the city of Bombay. The constitution grants every Indian the right to settle and work anywhere in the Union of India. These guys are working hard to feed their families. They are doing the right thing by toiling hard to sustain themselves. They have also made the choice to not pick up guns and fight against the Republic of India like the Naxalites. Furthermore, they are far from the criminals who choose to run begging rackets by exploiting little children instead of earning their bread by the sweat of their brow.

However, the above facts do not justify the swindling of customers according to the whims and fancies of taxi-drivers and rickshaw drivers. Read the following incidents to understand what citizens of Bombay, New Bombay and Thane, Marathi and non-Marathi people included, undergo on a regular basis.

1. I stay at a place called Saket Complex in Thane. It costs about INR 19 or 20 by rickshaw to come to my residence from Thane railway station and vice-versa from a place called CIDCO about 3 mins away from the station. From the station, it will cost you INR 25-30. Once on a Sunday evening, there were no rickshaws near Saket Complex. I was waiting for one. With me, there was a slightly aged couple. Their manner of dress suggested that they were village folks. A rickshaw came by and this couple asked him to take them to Thane station before I could. I asked the couple if we could share the fare because I had to go to the same place. They agreed. I asked the rickshaw driver to take us to CIDCO. The couple looked confused but I assured them that we would reach where they intended to. On reaching CIDCO, the fare came to INR 20 which we split into half. This couple was surprised. This is how the conversation took place.

The elderly man: Bees rupaiya? Itna hi paisa hota hai! (20 rupees? That’s all it costs?)
Me: Jee haan. Itna hi hota hai Saket se yahan tak. (Yes sir. That’s all it costs from Saket to here.)
The elderly man: Hum jab aaye they, tab hamse 70 rupaiya liye they. (When we had come, we had been charged INR 70 for the richshaw.)
Me: Kya? Sattar rupaiya kaise? (What? How were you charged Rs. 70?)
The elderly man: Jee whoh rickshewallah bole they ke ek seat ka 35 rupaiya hota hai. (The rickshaw driver told us that they charge INR 35 per head.)

I was shocked. This couple was fleeced. Judging from their accent, they were definitely UP wallahs or Biharis. We started walking towards the station.

Me: Kya aapko malum nahi tha yahan pe paisa kitna hota hai? Kya aap yahan pe pehli baar aaye hain? [Didn’t you know how much it (rickshaw fares) costs here? Is this the first time that you have visited this place?}
The elderly lady: Jee haan. Yahan pe shaadi thee. Hum Mira Road se aaye hain. Thane toh pehli baar hi aana hua hai. Humare pehchaan wale Saket mein rehte hain. (Yes. There was a wedding here. We have come from Mira Road. It is the first time that we have come to Thane. We have friends who live in Saket.)
Me: Jab aap aagli baar aayenge, toh CIDCO se rickshaw lijiye ga. Station se mat lijiye ga. (When you come here next time, take a rickshaw from station. Do not take one from the station.)
The elderly man: Hum toh wapas yahan aayenge hee nahi. Koi kaam hee nahi hai yahan pe. (We won’t come here again. We don’t have any business here.)

We exchanged good-byes and parted ways.

2. A Gujarati gentleman from our neighborhood once complained about a similar incident with his guest. His friend had been charged Rs. 50 from Thane station to Saket Complex.

3. Some weeks ago, there were severe traffic problems on the road from CIDCO to Saket. It generally takes 10 mins to get from CIDCO to Saket. That day it took vehicles more than 45 mins. So I decided to walk home instead of waiting for the traffic to clear out. Half-way through the road, I asked a rickshaw fellow to take me to Saket. He agreed. He did not start the meter. I asked him why. He said, “Madam, fixed rate, tees rupaiya. (Rs. 30)” Preposterous! I got off immediately. That ride should not have cost me for than Rs. 15. Later, as I continued walking, a Bengali couple who live in the neighbourhood, called me out from a rickshaw and offered me a lift. We got down at Saket. On getting off, I realized that it was the same rickshaw fellow who tried to dupe me. The Bengali gentleman was the one who got duped instead. Arguments yielded no result as the rickshaw-wallah had been given a Rs. 50 note. He returned Rs. 20 and drove off. This rickshaw fellow was definitely from the group that Raj Thackeray is ranting against.

4. Once, a neighbour and I took a rickshaw from Mulund station to Kopri Bridge. My neighbour regularly goes to Kopri Bridge to cross over from Mulund into Thane but I had never been there. Suddenly my neighbour confronted the driver and asked him where he was taking us. He replied Kopri Bridge. She told him that he was wrong. The argument revealed that he thought that Kopri Bridge and Mulund-Thane check-naka were the same place! The two places are nearly 3 kms apart. Had I been alone, I might have landed up at the check-naka instead of Kopri Bridge. It would have been a complete waste of time and money. The driver was again either an UP-wallah or a Bihari.

5. A co-worker Malyalee Borivali resident visited Thane sometime ago. He had to visit a place near Malhaar theatre. This theatre is roughly a kilometer away from Thane railway station and Thane bus depot. He does not know Thane. This guy got charged INR 70 instead of the usual INR 12 to 15 for a rickshaw ride from Thane station to Malhaar. I asked him how the driver spoke Hindi and the reference was towards India’s north.

6. My office is located near the Nehru Planetarium, Worli, Bombay. In case if you decide to come to this place in a taxi from Byculla station, you have to tell the taxi driver to take you to a well-known hotel called the Copper Chimney or to the Lotus or to Atria Mall or to Poonam Chambers. There have been multiple occasions on which the taxi driver has told me that he does not any of the 5 landmarks I previously mentioned! The driver literally asked me to keep giving him instructions.

I cannot help but feel from personal and second-hand experience that Raj Thackeray has a point, a very valid one at that. No matter how much I despise the violence that his thugs carry out, I have to admit that he has voiced the concerns of civilians everywhere in the city, Marathi or otherwise. Most of the traffic police personnel and RTO officials (I will not say all) lack scruples and neglect duty. They issue licenses to rickshaw drivers from other states although the Motor Vehicles Act clearly prohibits this. The driver has to be domiciled in the State that he/she is working. This means that someone who has lived all his/her life in Maharashtra cannot drive rickshaws and taxis in UP/ Bihar/ Delhi, etc. and vice versa. This is a central government act. This seems unfair but as of now is the law. Even more important is that the law requires the driver to know the area that he works in. This is essential to protect travelers from incidents mentioned in point 4 and 6 and yet the RTO does not take the necessary pains to do what the law asks of it. Raj Thackeray had raised questions regarding the integrity of the RTO on the same issue during a rally in Thane. His question was, “Don’t you have any shame? How can you neglect duty?” He had very clearly stated that we can be assured that if a commuter visits a locality for the first time, he/she will be over-charged by a Bihari / UP wallah rickshaw / taxi driver as described in points 1, 2, 3 and 5. The solution to this is not MNS-style brutal histrionics. The MNS got a well-deserved black eye when its MLAs were suspended for turning the Maharashtra legislative assembly into a wrestling ring. Fist fights are not the answer to everything. Cheats are bound to take advantage of the irresponsible attitude of the law enforcers and of the fact that most commuters hassled by traveling to and fro to work or slightly lost in an unknown area will not do much to confront them. The Chief Minister of Maharastra, Mr. Ashok Chavan was right when he spoke of the strict implementation of the Motor Vehicles Act. Not just Maharashtra, all states should do this. The taxi unions protest every diktat issued by the State with regards to the use of Marathi which is in fact very practical. I wonder what answers they have to this abominable behaviour of their members. The Motor Vehicles Act has to be strictly implemented by the law enforcers themselves. That is what they are paid for. No one deserves to be cheated even if the cheat has poverty as an excuse.

P.S.: I choose to say Bombay because the origin of the traditional English name Bombay holds that it was derived from a Portuguese name meaning "good bay", Bombain or Bombahia. The prosperity of this city commenced because it was identified as an excellent harbour, not because of the local goddess Mumba.

THE TRAGEDY OF ENGLISH AS A SECOND / THIRD LANGUAGE

During my junior college years, I had opted for Marathi as my 1st language, with English being compulsory as the second language. It was for the first time that I got to know the manner in which the Maharashtra State Board of Secondary and Higher Secondary Education is creating one batch of students after the other, who can’t use English properly in day-to-day life. I had always thought during school that our English textbooks neither contained thought-provoking lessons nor did they do much for improving our vocabularies. One might say that the ICSE, CBSE and IB board schools cure this problem but the fact is that my family cannot afford those schools. Had our parents not exposed us to the English media at home, I doubt that my siblings and I would have been fluent in English.

While studying Marathi during my two years of college, I was exposed to a wide range of Marathi literature, right from short biographies, essays, poems and travelogues. We had these in school but qualitatively speaking, the one that we studied in college were more serious in nature. I learnt a lot about different social classes of Maharashtra, during different eras. The textbook effectively dealt with myriad range of subjects from the freedom struggle, caste prejudices, superstitions, child marriage, dowry, unrequited love, lives of expatriates, religion and mythology. I regret not having studied the subject seriously back then or having preserved my textbook. Those two years opened me to my own literary heritage, that which I was indifferent to.

However, I cannot say the same for our English lessons. The chapters were barely age-appropriate and did not provoke deep thought. I cannot say that the English textbook served as an introduction to the rich literature of England and North America. It did not do justice to even Indian writers. I don’t even remember one single chapter properly. That students could not have improved their English language skills with the help of those lessons is beyond doubt. It would irritate me to find that the English textbook was far inferior to that of Marathi. Our college had in fact provided us with a supplementary textbook to make up for the mediocre textbook of the Maharashtra board. However, I did not give it much thought back then.

During the first year of B.Sc., I met many people from all over Maharashtra. Almost everybody had pathetic English language skills. The Dr. Balasaheb Sawant Konkan Agriculture University is ware of this problem and has hence integrated an English language course in the first semester. Alas, the textbook prescribed by the University is best suited for 11 year olds. It is not astonishing that most students don’t gain anything substantial from those lessons. In fact, there is a joke on our campuses that agriculture students cannot speak English beyond, “I go, you come”. I admit that it is difficult for students from Marathi medium schools, rural and semi-urban areas to become fluent in English. But this does not imply that Universities and the State Education Boards treat them as intrinsically weak at linguistics and not expect them to cope with larger vocabularies and complex texts. They are not morons. People learn. This defeatist attitude of the staff towards the English language skills of the students leads them to excuse horrible spelling mistakes. Numerous agriculture students shamelessly misspell key terms. For e.g., ‘Alphonso’ becomes ‘Apanso’, ‘buffalo’ becomes ‘bofelow’, ‘porcupine’ becomes ‘pokcurpine’ etc. Even scientific names are goofed up! The misspelled scientific names of plants and animals may make Carlus Linnaeus turn in his grave! That’s inexcusable come what may! If some rare, straight-thinking professor does cut marks, he is accused of being too strict and harsh! That’s the equivalent of accusing a policeman for abuse of power for making a legal arrest.

The lenient approach of the education authorities towards erring students gives no incentives to students to improve their vocabularies, make fewer mistakes and write better. This approach is largely concerned with passing out as many graduates as possible without caring a damn about the quality of education they receive. The idea seems to be that they don’t want someone to be left behind just because they can’t spell properly. However, this has created a crisis of sorts. This deplorable stance towards writing skills seems to have affected every sector and there are IT companies claiming that they’ve had to reject fresh engineers due to poor English language skills.

Our State education boards need to radically revise the current syllabus and teaching methods for English. Attention desperately needs to be paid to all four language skills namely reading, writing, speaking and listening. The boards need to harmonize the English language syllabus to the Common European Reference Framework for Languages. The syllabus and teaching should ensure that students reach the B1 level by class 10, B2 level by class 12 and C1 level at the time of their graduation. The class 11 and 12 English syllabus must include practical life English skills such as teaching students how to write CVs and letters of motivation. These skills constitute an important part of level B2. In my third year of B.Sc., I was clueless about writing a C.V. and a statement of purpose. Since I come from one of the only 1 million Indian households (1.4% of urban Indian households) that have an internet connection, I logged on to the World Wide Web and learnt these things myself. Even my little sister did not know how to write a CV before her placement interview. I made our lives easy by simply getting a Europass CV made for her. Now what is someone who does not have an access to internet or elder siblings or appropriately educated parents to help them out supposed to do? The teachers should be asked to advise their students to watch Star Movies, HBO, Sony Pix and Zee Studio as these channels sub-title their movies. Students can improve their listening and reading skills at the same time. This is infotainment at its best. The education boards and universities can make it compulsory for students to pass CAE Level C1 or CELS Higher or BEC Higher anytime before completing their under-graduate education. The universities can arrange for the British Council to conduct these exams on their campuses. In this manner, there will be no need for an English language course in the Bachelors curriculum and the students will get a certificate from the University of Cambridge stating that they have the C1 level. The certificates of the mentioned exams are valid for life unlike the IELTS and TOEFL scores that are valid for only 2 years from the date of passing.

This issue needs to be addressed at the earliest as for Indians, English is not just a language it is a job-skill. Our country can’t afford deny good employment opportunities to people just because they are not proficient in English. In the meanwhile, I'll get back to completing a Marathi book "Vyakti ani Valli" by P. L. Deshpande. I recently realised that I read English, French and Spanish way better than Marathi. Back to my roots. Now!

The Human Whatever Virus…

Humanity has always been ravaged by viruses of one sort or the other. Well it had to be! Even other animals, plants and bacteria are. Natural forces do have to regulate populations of all species right? I agree that viruses have nearly halved the human gene pool on several instances but that does not mean we go barmy every time a new virus is brought to the public’s notice! Why the fuss? What’s wrong with the Fourth Estate?

In recent history, we had the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, more popular as HIV that hit off the trend of media-induced phobia and continues to be a rage all over the planet. Every ‘celebrity’ who has any little thing to their credit or has had even the most minuscule space in the entertainment industry jumps on to the bandwagon to prevent the ‘AIDS epidemic’. Well, commendable intentions here but HIV is one of the best dangerous viruses known to mankind. Unlike most other viruses, it does nothing to spread! It is largely dependent on the host to be promiscuous to spread on to other victims! There have been multiple instances of iatrogenic infections but the medical and paramedical community knows how to deal with such cases.

The other crazy thing we had on our hands was the SARS because of some corona virus around 2003-04. That thing just fizzled out thanks to the concerned government authorities, especially the Chinese taking prompt measures to prevent its spread. Nevertheless, they did delay the mandatory information of the outbreak to the WHO and the international community. The next thing in line was the Avian Influenza. The hysteria surrounding it was implausible. We were studying agriculture with Animal Husbandry as an integral part of our studies. Regular poultry farm visits never stopped. Everyone was unperturbed but the media just went bonkers! How often do most people play around with or come in contact with birds? City dwellers have the most minimal contact often limited to pets or cooked chicken. Despite assurance from doctors that cooking kills the virus, chicken consumption fell drastically. The animal lovers’ tribe with PETA as their leader went around town happily telling everyone that chicken lives were being saved. The media scared everybody with reports of an imminent avian flu pandemic which never happened thanks to the systematic genocide of poultry birds that we humans inflicted.

The latest scare has been due to the Swine Flu which is caused by the H1N1 virus (Haemagglutinin 1 Neraminidase 1, try not forgetting this one!). I agree that more than 10,000 victims have been claimed by the virus in the US alone. But that does not justify the fear-mongering by the members of the press. Some friends and my mother almost suffered panic attacks that loved ones and they would fall seriously sick. Governments across the world rightfully wanted the media to tone down the reports but the media did not relent. After all, what can you expect from a pig but grunt? The WHO estimates that the Spanish Flu (also a strain of the H1N1) of 1918 killed nearly 40-50 million people worldwide, the Asian flu (H2N2 virus) of 1957 exterminated about 2 million humans and the Hong Kong flu of 1968 (H3N2 virus) claimed nearly 1 million lives. In fact, these viruses are now the cause of the seasonal common colds that we suffer! That means all of us have probably suffered from the Swine and the Avian influenza at one point or the other.

Thankfully, the swine flu frenzy is dying down. Authorities are minding their business well and doing the needful. In the meanwhile, some pharmaceutical company is trying to bring another virus into fashion i.e. in the media spotlight to sell a vaccine. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about the Human Papilloma Virus. Depending upon your gender, it can cause cancers of the anus and/or penis or cancers of the vulva, vagina, anus and cervix. Page long ads in the papers are trying to convince women to protect themselves against cervical cancer with this vaccine. Well commendable intentions again but there is no need! One of my acquaintances immunized herself against the HPV and asked me to do the same. I refused. To begin with, people who don’t have access to clean toilets and those who have multiple sexual partners are the ones at risk of a HPV infection. I don’t fall in any of these categories. I don’t need the vaccine. Thank you very much. She looked cross and tried to tell me that cervical cancer claims more Indian women than breast cancer annually. I replied that it was obvious. Child marriage is still rampant in the interiors and teenage mothers have the highest risk. The point is that unless you are in any of the high risk groups you don’t need the HPV vaccine. If you do, you also need to be inoculated against Hepatitis B.

The reach of the electronic and traditional media helps a great deal about informing people about new disease outbreaks. I am thankful for being told about the symptoms. Nonetheless, everyone will be better off if the death toll is kept to page 2 and 3 or even beyond that if possible. Any viral infection can cause death. Even the most common and well-known viruses continue to kill so many around the year and so do bacterial infections like Tuberculosis. But no one writes about that and people have definitely not stopped spitting! The next time a new virus pops up and the media decides to be the cock of the walk and tells us that Doomsday is coming, relax; we can’t be wiped off that easily.

How French Blogging temporarily put me off English Blogging

Hi, I am back. I had to start blogging again and chose to start with the auspicious Yuletide season. I was taken aback by people who wrote in to ask why I had stopped but that gave me the necessary to push to be here again. I literally had to say ‘Adieu English blogs’ five months ago because I was pursuing my last level of French (Level C1). My professor, Mr. Bhushan Thapliyal, got us also blogging in French, keeping contemporary trends in mind. Wow, I never imagined that blogging would be homework someday!!! Anyway, our professor Bhushan, trained us for the writing section of the DALF C1 exam by making us blog our brains out. This is because he is pursuing his Ph.D. on the use of blogs as a pedagogical tool. Cool! Who could have thought about that?

The ‘blogging for school’ brainwave came to Bhushan about three years ago when he was teaching school kids in the 12-15 age groups in France. French kids these days don’t write correct French and have made argot, verlan and the SMS lingo their standard language, even in exam answer sheets! This new way of writing and talking French is equivalent to babble for their parents, teachers and the French society at large. The purists are of the opinion that this phenomenon is an unprecedented crisis for the French language. Bhushan wanted to get his students to write correctly. It was only a question of how. The students refuse to fall in line. Now most of these innovative, stubborn scholars are internet junkies who have lost even the most miniscule interest in TV. Bhushan decided to encroach on the virtual space to fix things.

With the assistance of Université Stendhal Grenoble III, he introduced blogging into the curriculum. School essays on various issues were to be written and posted on the blogs of students which they created specifically for class. Students responded in the most astonishing manner. People actually started writing correct, traditional French with all the accents, grammar and vocabulary right. Students were not being adamant about using argot on blogs. You see, the whole world has access to blogs and hence these students wanted to keep their blogs comprehensible and coherent so that everyone and anyone who understands French can read them. Argot wouldn’t work. Mission accomplished.

Bhushan decided to duplicate his experiment in India. He came to the Alliance Française de Bombay. eHere, blogging was a newxperience for roughly everyone in class. I was in his second batch of guinea pigs for the C1 level. He even got the other teachers ofAlliance to unleash the blogging wave on their classes. We would discuss French current affairs in class with the help of 3 news articles related to each theme. That took care of our reading and speaking skills. We would then scrutinize and reorganize the ideas in these articles to write argumentative essays or to write a synthesis or summary with the maximum word limit of 250 words. That exercise greatly helped to improve my French writing skills and also my ability to simultaneously use articles about the same subject from different sources.

I received the result for our DALF C1 last week. I passed. That’s what counted. I was fairly satisfied with my performance. The French blogging did help a lot for the writing section because we had to respect the time and word limit for that essay. We thoroughly enjoyed our coursework. Introducing blooging in studies helps make people tech-savvy and it is surely fun ‘When blogging enters the curriculum’. It is high time that MS Word adds 'blogging', 'blog' and 'blogger' to its dictionary. Blogs are here to stay.

One Culture. Agriculture.

What do you do in agriculture? What is the point in pursuing it? These are stupid questions that I face incessantly from people. They simply don't find it fit for study or they just can't imagine what one does in it. Ignorant, uninformed fools! The food we eat comes from agriculture. The fabrics, cotton, wool, silk, jute, we wear come from agriculture. The medicines we take have many ingredients of an agricultural origin. Our homes require timber for construction and also the furniture that is made of wood. The paper we write on comes from wood and hence is a forestry product. Sanitary pads and diapers are also made from wood. But this irritates people.

Sometime ago, I got the precise answer to this question. This answer gets people interested and it also earns me respect. Plus, they find agriculture really, really cool. Now whenever some asks me why I took up agriculture, I simply say that people will give up everything but not alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Alcohol comes from sugarcane. Cigarettes come from tobacco and Drugs especially ones like marihuana and cocaine come from poppy. All of these are thus agricultural products. In fact, India is the leading producer and exporter of tobacco in the world. Overall tobacco production in India is about 700 million kilograms yearly. Rich and diverse Indian geographic and agro-climatic circumstances promote dependable availability of extensive array of tobaccos for export throughout the year. As a matter of fact, no matter how much tobacco addicts deny it, tobacco does lead to cancer and heart disease. Most tobacco users (or abusers?) being extremely careless about their health only diagnose their health problems very late, especially cancer. Those last stages of cancer are so painful that the only thing that relieves their pain is medical cannabis or medical marihuana as conventional pain killers simply don’t work; so most tobacco users are potential marihuana customers in the future. (That is, if their doctors are bold and fearless enough to prescribe medical marihuana). India and Turkey produce opium for medicinal purposes, making poppy-based drugs, such as morphine or codeine, for domestic use or exporting raw poppy materials to other countries. The United States buys 80 percent of its medicinal opium from these two countries. In the USA, California's highest grossing cash crop is poppy, with annual sales reaching $14 billion. Vegetables, the state's second highest grossing agricultural produce, win a measly $5.7 billion. The celebrated Californian grapes rake in only $2.6 billion. Such is the demand for marihuana. To talk about the contribution of the alcohol industry to India, let’s just say that alcohol is a noteworthy provider to government revenues in numerous states. In most states this accounts for more than 10 per cent of total state tax revenues, whereas in the Punjab this goes to more than one third.

I declare with utmost confidence to anyone who asks me the point of studying agriculture that I want to work either with a cigarette company or with an alcoholic beverages manufacturer. (Well I am not really sure if I would like to work with the highly bureaucratic poppy business guys. It is very difficult in India. The licences are never ending) People find that seriously cool. Even non-smokers, teetotallers and non-drug abusers (if that is a term) look up in awe.

It is ironical how talking about food, clothing and shelter, which are indispensable for keeping our body and soul together are frowned upon whilst alcohol, cigarettes and drugs that degenerate the mind and body are venerated.


P.S.: I got interested in the alcohol, tobacco and poppy trade after a family member’s death at a young age due to cancer last year. He was a chain smoker.

Reality Meets Career Dreamz Unlimited

As a child, a question that all of us incessantly face goes something like this, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I call it the ‘which carier’ question. (A lot of people spell and pronounce career as ‘carier’!) Most kids give stereotypical answers like ‘I want to be an engineer’ or ‘I will become a doctor’. Their parents chase the horizon prospecting the best advice of ‘career counselors’. (What on earth do you need those guys for?) I had also fallen into that ‘I want to be a doctor’ trap but managed to pull myself out of it. I had decided against becoming an engineer the very first time I had heard the word because I had assumed that engineers built engines of trains and that I couldn’t see the point behind that. That extremely juvenile assumption is only condonable for a nine year old. When I consider all of the things that I ever wanted to be, I marvel at the way my dreams changed from toddlerhood to adulthood. (‘Toddlerhood’ is a word in ‘Nataliaish’, not English). The TV, whom many accuse of being an idiot box, gave me fantastic direction all the way.

When I was 5, my answer would be that I wanted to be an air-hostess. That was probably because I was a frequent flier between Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and Bombay, India. The air-hostesses seemed exceptionally interesting then. In the following years, probably when I was 8 or 9, joining the Air Force had become my ambition after reading about the stories of the 1971 Indo-Pak war martyrs. Around the same time, I had also seen a TV show about the procedure for entering the Indian Air Force. My dreams were grounded when we found out that I was suffering from moderate degree myopia at that young age. My flat feet further ensured that my dreams of being airborne stayed firmly on Terra Firma. Around the age of 11 or 12, I started yapping about becoming a doctor, probably because half the world (read: schoolmates) said the same. I had definitely decided that I would study science, but had no clue regarding which branch of science.

My first serious answer to that “which carier?” question, was only at the age of 13, when I was in class 8. I wanted to be a dinosaur paleontologist. This had nothing to do with Ross from Friends. I had once killed time by watching a 3 hour long documentary on the National Geographic channel about the mass extinction of dinosaurs. (I had had the privilege of being alone for 4 hours at home). Most of the dudes who spoke on the show had their designations displayed on screen as ‘Dinosaur paleontologist, University of @#$%^^&*’. I was convinced that the purpose of my life was to be a dinosaur paleontologist. That left my father frantically reading up on the web regarding the subject and I was left explaining to everyone who would ask me the ‘which carier’ question about dinosaurs and their dead bodies. It would feel fantastic to explain things to adults looking dumb with question marks on their faces. You are the smarter one in that situation! My fascination for becoming a dinosaur paleontologist lasted about 10 months, but that has set off an interest in the ‘terrible reptiles’ that is going to last me a lifetime.

Later, I juggled with the ideas of being a professional basketball player (I was on the school team), being Miss Universe (well that started with Sushmita Sen’s victory in 1994 but my height didn’t increase sufficiently), starting a music band (inspiration Spice Girls) and landing on the moon i.e. being an astronaut. I had even wanted to be a cartoon film animator after I had watched the making of the Disney movie ‘Dinosaur’ on Discovery Kids. None of those plans lasted more than a month or 2 at the most but the changes were quite interesting. I even had phases of being without a career plan. But then I got addicted to another show on Discovery Channel. This time I had my father worried sick.

The Discovery guys aired this fantastic TV series every afternoon called ‘Medical Detectives’. Most of the dudes and dudettes (female dudes) on this show were labeled as ‘Forensic Psychiatrist’ or ‘Forensic Pathologist’. Their use of science and technology to crack crimes and screw up culprits had me hooked, totally. Watching endless re-runs of this show had a firm place in my list of pastimes. Most kids my age knew the dialogues of Friends by heart. I knew this show by heart. (Don’t dare to label me a geek.) I told my Dad that I wanted to be a ‘Forensic Psychiatrist or a Forensic Pathologist’. He was astonished and he asked me, “But you wanted to do something about dinosaurs, right?” I replied that my plans had changed. His expression turned to something that suggested that he had been force fed castor oil. He never digested my idea of becoming a ‘forensic psychiatrist’. Anyway, his behavior only affirmed the fact that he is mentally and psychologically stable as no sane father would jump for joy if his daughter declared that she wanted to see delinquents everyday or spend her lifetime working in a morgue. From the age 14 to 16, much to the mortification of my dad, I declared with certitude to anyone who asked me about my career plans that I wanted to be forensic psychiatrist. I even appeared for the entrance tests for the admission to M.B.B.S. Having stubbornly stated that if I would ever be a doctor, my qualifications would have to stand as Dr. Natalia Hule M.B.B.S., M.D. (Forensics), my father staunchly told me to not be a doctor at all. He tried to convince me to be a dentist but I didn’t see the point examining jaws all my life. This was said with due respect to the 4 dentists who have examined and treated my jaws for 6 excruciatingly long years. But what’s the fun? My mother was left scandalized. I told them that I may consider being a forensic dentist (I had seen one talk on Medical detectives). My father had looked as if he wanted someone to tell him that he was hallucinating. My parents ultimately won and managed to get the forensic bug out of my head.

In hindsight that was a good thing, because there was something that was always lingering in the confines of my mind that would get me dreaming of the infinite possibilities of waste management, rural development, water shed management and pesticide-free food production for a better environment and to thwart global warming. Captain Planet and his Planeteers on Cartoon Network had triggered that off for a change. I had learnt pretty late that these things were called organic farming and sustainable agriculture. I was perpetually oscillating between the choices of doing an M.B.B.S. or B.Sc. Agriculture ever since I was 15, although I didn't speak too much about agriculture to everyone. I finally decided to pursue Agribusiness. Thank God for that! Not only did it help me study my interests further, it also educated me about the two countries I live in – India and Bharat.

The verbose here may convince the reader that the writer currently works for some agricultural products company or is probably toiling away with a NGO for watershed development. She is not. Here is the anticlimax. The author, compelled by personal misfortune partly brought about by her own gullible streak, and the economic tribulations of our time, currently works (just for the GOOD money) as a receptionist and hopefully will shift to the post of a French language translator in multinational defense company, much to the chagrin of her mind and heart, making a mockery of everything that she has ever dreamt of.