Unwanted unaesthetic sightings

My friends once jokingly asked me one night at my hostel, "Have you seen a man's penis?". I answered, in matter-of-fact manner, “ I must have seen at least 70-80 of them.” My friends burst out laughing, barely able to control themselves. Later, they wanted to know how that was possible. The two of them could barely keep their eyes from popping out. I told them that on the bus from Thane to Panvel, which passes from multiple suburbs of New Bombay, I have to put up with the site of men openly defecating on the streets with their privates parts on public display. Free - for - all. You can’t escape it. Look to the left. It’s the same. Look to the right. It’s the same. You only avoid such sights if you studiously look heavenwards or keeping admiring your own thighs. Those who can sleep in the bus manage to protect their eyes from the obscene exhibition but not their noses from the putrid smell. You put with this shameless, quotidian display of male venereal organs even on the train from Thane to Panvel. In the mornings, our rail tracks and highways virtually turn into shit tracks and shitways. On hearing my explanation, they were still laughing but with intermittent screams of “Yuck”, “Kiti ghan!” ( Marathi for "How dirty!") . Then I told them that I could bet that even they had seen penises in the same manner. They said “Yes”. It is the same on the railway tracks from Kurla to Panvel and even from Rasayani to Alibaug. We then launched into a tirade about how revolting, nauseating and shocking the sight of the human penis is. (Of course, in the given context). I wondered out aloud why women aren’t seen defecating openly? If they have the sense to go to secluded places then why not men? And more importantly, why are people still defecating in the open? Can’t the local municipalities provide toilets for all and spare us the sights of penises and bare bottoms? And even more importantly, why do those who “fight for saving Indian culture” do not make a hue and cry about this? After all displaying penises in public for any reason whatsoever, (leave aside infants and toddlers) is definitely more serious and indecent than as compared to say a Richard Gere pecking a Shilpa Shetty on her cheeks or a Rahul Mahajan and a Payal Rohatgi in a swimming pool together!

Mangal sutra: The license to have sex.

Once, on my home, I took the usual bus out of Rasayani to Panvel. While getting into the bus, I nearly bumped into the woman standing in front of me. I managed to control myself and at the same instant I realized that she was pregnant. I found a seat for myself and my friend. The pregnant lady sat down on the seat next to ours in the other row. I casually looked at her face and was left dumb-founded. She was evidently 2-3 years my junior. I was 19 at that point of time. I asked my friend if she felt the same. She replied in the positive. The girl could not have been more than 17 and yet she was on her way to motherhood. I felt disgusted at that moment. This child had been decorated in gold jewelry in a manner that reminded me of decorated bulls during the Maharashtrian harvest festival of Bail-Pola, when we worship our cattle. Her attire made her look older but her face gave away the truth. At the age of 17, I was caught up with my class 12 examinations, where as this girl was forced into producing a baby, hence teenage sex and teenage pregnancy, all under the pretext of matrimony. Such a disgusting and dangerous thing to do! We urban youngsters get accused of aping western culture and values which supposedly ruin Indian culture while our rural teenage counterparts are encouraged to get screwed up with the blessing of their whole families, societal approval, under the guise of good culture and in the name of marriage. How cool is that? There was a time when I believed that teenage pregnancies in India were the only the stories of those deserted, orphaned girl children on the streets who had no families to keep them safe and would hence fall prey to rapists; Or maybe those God-forsaken members of the fairer sex who had been cursed into human trafficking at a very tender age. But my years in Rasayani, Panvel jolted me out of my asinine assumptions and ignorance. In India , you are free to have sex and churn out babies if you have mangal sutra dangling down your neck, irrespective of you age and maturity.

What a difference!

Mumbai Mirror popped up a pleasant surprise today. The Sci-Tech section had an interesting article titled “Japan scientists unveil robot suit for farmers.” It is seriously cool. The Japanese are obsessed with robot sand there are no limits to the sort of things these guys do. The robot suited is aimed at old farmers who have difficulty performing operations that require crouching or raising their hands. At 25kgs, methinks its pretty heavy but hey if someone can afford to use it why not? The device is expensive but much needed in countries that don’t have sufficient farm labourers. I however lament the lack of concern and serious efforts to better the conditions of agricultural labourers here in India. The Japanese have created robots to ease human drudgery and here we are still having humans slogging it out like oxen. Women are the worst affected in such cases. Many agricultural operations like manual weeding, sowing, harvesting require the labourer to be in the crouching position. The labourers are often women and married ones at that. These women suffer multiple miscarriages because of their work without ever finding out about it. The crouching position is dangerous during the first trimester of the pregnancy as it does not allow the foetus to attach itself to the mother’s uterus correctly resulting in the loss of the pregnancy. This work also harms the pelvic girdle of women severely. Some social activists have tried to address these issues and also attempted to improve the working conditions of female farm labourers in some areas but in vain. However there won’t be a solution in place without government intervention and nationwide poverty alleviation efforts.

Maharashtrians! Learn Marathi first!

I am a Maharahstrian. I speak Marathi at home and with friends. My head was pretty fucked up by Raj Thackray’s tirade against North Indians. The idiot went about screaming that Maharashtrian culture is under threat from Hindi speaking bhaiyas. He wants everyone living in Maharashtra to learn Marathi which is a good and practical idea. But I hate the man. I hate his ways and I hate him for admiring Adolf Hitler never mind if he condemns (superficially?) the Holocaust. This guy seems blissfully unaware of the fact that 22.37% of Marathi people themselves cannot read and write Marathi! And this is Maharashtra government data. 13.8% Marathi men cannot read and write whereas 32.5% Marathi women cannot read and write Marathi. Horrible! Horrible! Marathi culture cannot be threatened by non-Marathi speaking people. It comes under threat only when Marathi people ignore the Marathi language. But I’ll tell you; these politicians loathe the idea of 100 percent literacy. Their dim-witted ideas will not find an audience then.

Mind your language

At my agriculture college, I was some sort of a mini-celebrity, the reason being that I am fluent in English. My classmates, most of them from rural Maharashta, never seemed to realize that there are thousands like me, who speak the language of our former colonial rulers very well, in fact better than me. People would always seek my advice to improve their command of English. Honestly, most of them were horrible when it came to speaking the Queen's language. Being no teacher of English myself, I was often clueless about the guidance to give. My general counsel would be to listen to English news on TV and to watch English cartoons (unfortunately Cartoon Network doesn’t air cartoons in English anymore). They did not think it would help them. People on TV speak English too fast they would complain. I didn’t know what to say beyond that. But now I do know what to tell people when they ask me that question about English improvement. Watch movies on HBO, Star Movies or Zee Studios as they have English sub-titles for their English dialogues as that way people can improve their English listening and reading skills. Gradually they well start speaking well too. I feel like screaming this out from the rooftops. I so wish all people in our country become fluent in English. The Indian industry won’t face shortages related to employees who can’t communicate properly in English. Job seekers will find better employment. One more step towards development

Bipolar

I called up a friend at my university. I spoke to him after a very long time. He had a lot of things to talk about as usual. Power cuts, hampered work at his factory, English movies (he has a tough time understanding American and British accents), etc. I asked him about a professor who once worked at my college and who now works at the university. He almost immediately sounded agitated. He told me that this professor got married last November and is now allegedly dating one of his students at the university! His wife doesn’t live with him as she is at his native village. This professor had a similar record at my college although he wasn’t exactly dating any of my batch mates; he was flirting with at least 3 of them. This guy is an out and out hypocrite and a pervert who clearly has no idea regarding the utilization of his sexual energy. He had once admonished a whole bunch of girls including myself for wearing western clothes (read: a pair of denims and a T-shirt) and would constantly rant about the need to preserve Indian culture and Indian values. Bullshit! He was thrown out from our college for demanding bribes from his students for increasing their marks. Indian culture and Indian values, my foot! He was dating one professor at my college too. She was fortunate to have decided against marrying this bastard. Her parents, it seems, were opposed to the idea of accepting a non-Konkani man for their son-in-law. She is so very well settled today and ended up marrying a person much better than this asshole. I hate this man and I so wish I could skin him alive. But unfortunately, that’s unconstitutional.

Fair trial no matter what!

I've been reading people writing things like the arrested terrorist Qasab does not deserve trial and that he must be executed immediately. I partially agree with them. With due respect to our constitution, he does deserve to be executed but not without a legal trial. So must Pragya Singh and Colonel Purohit be executed. They are all equals. Hang them in public. Or even better. Burn them at stakes. Unfortunately, that's not in accordance with our Constitution. These idiots may make a mockery of it. But we must respect it.